Is life just a series of losing yourself and finding your way back again to find yourself lost all over again?
It sure feels like it. But at least I'm on the "finding my way back" bit (again) because the bit just before this bit is the worst. That bit when you look up and realise you lost your voice again. When you realise that all the tiny but huge things that made you feel like you fell away, and suddenly you are back in that place between places. And you got here because you forgot to do the things. You forgot to wake up a little early to have that magic bit of peace before the kid wakes. You forgot to sip your tea slowly in the morning and really taste it. You forgot to turn your phone off at 8pm and light a candle when you have your evening bath. You forgot to turn the music up and sing as loud as your lungs will let you. You forgot to cry when it all feels too much. But it's ok because you always, somehow, find your way back.
So, here I am in my freshly made bed, coming back to myself, breathing more deeply, crying and feeling, listening to Crushed Velvet by Berwyn, and taking my time to be with me. I lit extra candles at bath time, soaped myself slowly, moved my body gently and reminded her that it's better to feel it all than to slip into the place between places.
I don't know how long I'll stay here this time, but while I am here, I will write down all my favourite things, tastes, tracks and, smells so that when I look up next time and wonder where the light in my eyes has gone, maybe I'll find my way back to myself even more quickly.
Feel free to share yours with me.
Sending you love this weekend.