Swinging tits, holy skies and starting again...

Good morning loves,

I have been talking to a lot of people this week, and it feels like absolutely every single person is so worn out So muddled and sticky and icky, desperately trying to schedule in moments of rest and joy around relentless doing.

Yesterday I cried. I had so many meetings about things that my brain finds really really hard and exhausting, logistics, training programs, onboarding (even the word onboarding makes me wince) and never ending accounting hell, that I cried. It was 3pm when it finished and I hadn't left the house, I hadn't breathed deeper than my throat, I hadn't done anything at all to nourish myself, before doing so much hard stuff.

I started feeling so envious of the generations before us, that had a baseline of being unstimulated and had to go out and seek stimulation. Compared to our generation which is so overstimulated all the time.

I feel my body and mind feeling so deeply weary and I know I am not alone in this. It rained yesterday and as I sat on my bed I felt so grateful that this meant I didn't have to water my plants, as it was one thing I could take off my never-ending to-do list. I used to love watering and tending to my plants but with all this stuff and noise, everything feels so huge.

So I started thinking about this business and what it was and what it is now and started to unpick what was feeling so hard and so heavy and so draining, and I realised so clearly what I have lost in my day-to-day, is the essence of why I started this. You all, IRL! I am SO grateful for what this little business has become, more than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams, and to the amazing team that helps make it all work. But like with all change, you have to leave some things behind.

I was looking back at my tiny market stall, a few Ikea bags of badly folded clothes and I felt a pang of sadness, of loss. Because in this growth I have lost that human contact that I so loved and I want it back! I want to make one-offs and test them on you. I want hugs and feedback and connection.

Last week I had an open studio and for the first time in a while I was surrounded by women, hosting them and watching them transform as they tried on my clothes and I remembered those years on my market stall, coaxing women to try things they thought they ‘couldn't, shouldn't, mustn't’ wear, and seeing their joy when they realised they fucking could and bloody well would wear that thing they thought they couldn't!

I felt SO alive. The collective energy of a room full of half-naked women whooping and bigging each other up, is what I was put on this earth to co-create/ facilitate.

So it sparked a little something in my mind that has been growing over the past fews days.

To sum it up, the takeaways from this week.

One, maybe just maybe I will open a shop (I always said I would never). But to have a place where you can come and chat, and try things on, and laugh is what my soul is longing for. It’s a big one but for the first time in a while I feel excited again.

And two, it’s time I asked myself every day what I am doing to nourish myself and push back against this capitalist beast that is harming us all so very fucking deeply. I have had a headache for 7 weeks and I don’t want to live or feel like this anymore.

It is time to create some really hard boundaries for myself as a recovering over do-er. It’s time for me, and quite likely you too, to build a routine and some new habits in my life, carve out some time, set some boundaries and stick to them as if my life depends on it. Because it absolutely does!

Today I woke and remembered what my friend Priya said about taking a morning walk and how it changes her day. So I put on my shoes and walked to the sea thinking I’d just stroll, but as soon as I saw the sea, I stripped down to my knickers and threw myself in tits swinging. (the only thing better than wearing manners its swimming tits out in the sea, nothing will beat that feeling) and, as I came out and looked at the sky over the empty beach, the sun came out from behind the clouds like a religious scene. And I remembered that even if I have to start over every single day, that there is no limit to how many times I can begin again.

So take this as a little nudge to do something good, for yourself today. However small, but do it as if your life depends on it, because maybe it really does!


Millions of Love
Sal x