FREE Shippingwhen You Spend Over £150 or 200$ (for UK and US)
Cart
Your cart is currently empty.

Currency

ON SLOWING DOWN (AND SADNESS)

Note to self from an achievement addict (in recovery)
 
I did so much. So many lists ticked off, so many ‘achievements. I did them like everyone was watching but no one was. I spun so many plates and when they smashed no one heard and I just had to clean up the mess.
 
I remember the bitter-sweetness when I finished my law degree two years ago at losing that "big thing" to list off when asked the ‘what do you do?’ question. Now I was just a solo parent and a business owner. Was that enough to not fade away? Was that enough to be ‘seen’?
 
I have had so many signs to slow down. Exhaustion, mood swings, brain fog. But I couldn’t. No... wouldn’t.
 
I talked about taking breaths but I held my breath when they weren’t watching. I made rituals that gave me ease but sandwiched them between doing, so they became another thing on my checklist of achievements. I never waited for the light to go green to cross and as I showered I listed off how many things I could do while I dried. I enjoyed the 1st two sips of my coffee but missed the rest as I reached for my phone. I listened to him with one ear when what he needed was two. I scheduled ‘special time’ and quiet time and I didn’t know why I had to live like this until I got forced to slow down on Sunday.
 
So, here I am, and now I really know why. Because underneath all the checklists and the doing, I feel a deep, deep sadness. And it’s here, sitting with me right now in my slowness. I have laid a place for it at my table and together we will notice each other in the quiet, maybe we will even finish writing that book I got too ‘busy’ to finish.
 
I got a lesson in slowing down and I am determined to listen. To the lesson. To my heart. To the wind. To him, with both ears. To the beautiful, painful details that I have missed for so long.

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published

This site is protected by hCaptcha and the hCaptcha Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.


ON SLOWING DOWN (AND SADNESS)