Mothering and summering and swearing.

Do I love being a Mother? Yes!

Do I hate being a mother? Yes!

Do I wear motherhood as a badge of honour, fuck yes. Are all the women in me tired? YESSS!!

It's the summer holidays, (which in Spain last THREE months) I am 17 days in, of 92 and I am TIRED, and tanned and is-this-really-my-beautiful-life and why-am-i-crying again. 
But unlike a lot of mothers, (and unlike my nearly 13 years of solo parenting) I am about to have 4 weeks of childlessness and I am excited and terrified and unprepared for it. I have left everything to the last minute and am already behind on work but I know that I need to tap out for a few days and take a moment to be by myself as Sally, not as a mother, or a business, or a partner (yes I maaay have found more than just sunshine and beaches in this new life I leapt into) but outside of doing, I am very unsure about what one does? How to slow down, how that feels, and who the fuck I am when there are no lunches to make or emails or DMs to respond to. All I know is that for a while now I wake up exhausted and just wade my way through the sticky treacle of the day until bedtime, over and over like groundhog day. 
So, this week I will (hopefully) be getting onto a plane with only myself, some books, some bikinis (because bikini sample testing is some work I am happy to take with me) a big blank notebook and my favorite pen to spend a week writing and singing. Two things that have always brought me back to myself,  but I have never done outside of the car and shower (singing) and my dining table or bed (writing).
Feeling so grateful to be having this break and thinking of all the mothers who are juggling harder than ever right now (or feeling like they are about to fall into the abyss which is the summer holidays), all the mothers and all the guilt we carry in trying to balance parenthood and survival constantly, year after year. One day I dream of creating a space that you can come and rest in, really rest for a moment because fuck me do we deserve it. Sending so so much love to all the tired women in you. And to all the non-single Mammas/parents here, the summer is hard. If you have the capacity please reach out to your single-parent friends because they might really need a moment to catch a breath. Because it really does take a village
Sal xx

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