Trigger warning (I know for so many people Mothers day is a massive trigger) So if it is for you, I see you and I send you love x
I hate Mothers day. I feel it looming in already, and my rational mind says 'just let it pass, forget it,' but I know it's coming (I'm writing this on Friday to go out on Sunday) and the mean part of my brain just won't let it go.
It's Friday morning, my kid left for school crying. I feel asleep, exhausted and have woken.... exhausted.
Every mothers day (not unlike most valentines day) I move towards it with a mind full of disney like fantasies of 'family'. Dreams of waking up to the sound of the other half of the parenting team and the children - plural, (cos obvs all happy families have two, not one) making my favourite breakfast to bring me on a beautiful tray with my flowers and cards filled with words of love and appreciation. Every year before mothers day I start to see families everywhere I look, and grown mothers and daughters laughing and sharing a bottle of wine with ease.
Every mothers day I give myself a hard time for the decisions I made that led me to being a solo parent of one (crying) kid and I'm over it!
Ideally mothers day would be a day to not do anything even remotely mothery. Like, say... no pasta cards, no 7 am 'breakfast' in bed kinda day.
If I could choose, it would be a day of no questions and too loud music, a decendant 4 hour lunch, dancing on bars and maybe violent movies with LOADS of sex and swearing (but not tooo much violence cos actually I dont like scary stuff at all) and definatly nooo washing up and ideally great sex and lashings of cake (NOT made by anyone under 18)! Because, motherhood is hard and I'm ready for a day off!
Motherhood is hard. Womanhood is hard. It's hard to be a mother, to wish you were a mother, to have a mother or to not have one.
Sheeesh! Can we cancel all the 'days' and just live our liiiiives!
Anyway, here it is again and I have 3 days to go to take control of how I react to mothers day this year so I'm gonna try. And I'm torn now between what I intended to say, which was to forget it completely and a new plan that's forming, of treating myself better than all the fairytale fantasies put together!
Whatever you need to do to make your mothers day a gentle one I hope you can do that!
Love to all the mothers and all the others