Losing my way Pt.324678 and a poem on joy x

It's been a while, cos I've been way too busy losing my way, again! 
I feel like I only write about this one thing. Maybe I do, maybe I will until I find my way past it. Or maybe life is only circles of varying sizes? Fuck knows. All I know is that I am here again, I think. Or maybe it feels the same but it's actually a different size, different coloured circle, spinning me on a slightly different path (sorry if this makes absolutely no sense at all) to learn an extra new thing about myself, and what the fuck I am doing here?!? 
What I am currently doing is losing touch (again) with the small joys. And slipping back into being a machine. Ick! (coughs like a cat with a furball) kaaackk! 
I had the most beautiful weekend this weekend connecting with my kid, like really connecting and being outside and listening to him and eating pizza and being in the sun and it took that to realise how far from being that person I have become over the last few months. And how strong the machine is that pulls us from all that joy into productivity-robot-sad-grumpy-person! 
So, I'm gonna start watering myself again (with plant food). So, I'm gonna water myself with creativity.  I have an overlocker and a sewing machine, here in my warehouse that I have flown around the world. At 23 I flew them in my suitcase to Antigua and flew them back to England at 24, 8 and a half months pregnant. How have I let them gather dust when at one of the hardest times of my life I dragged them with me, because I knew how important they were for me, for my joy. I flew them all the way to Bali and all the way back with a 5 year old kid and no home to go to and then I brought them here, to Barcelona. So this week I am blowing off the dust and making something, anything!  
Then I'm going to think about some other things I thought I'd lost on the way, but I'm probably still dragging around. And water myself with those too! Because I fought for this, so hard and I am determined to revel in the sheer fucking joy of it all!
So, this is a little reminder to take a minute, (or longer ideally) to remewmeber who the fuck you are and what makes you tick and run and dive into that! Because whatever it is you absolutely deserve more of it!
Sal xx
Here's a lil poem I wrote on Joy :



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